under pressure

I don’t like feeling under pressure,
sometimes people just make me feel under pressure in the way they’re saying things to me.
it gives me even less motivaiton and happiness about everything I’m doing.
and that leads to not optimal results,
and that puts myself under pressure again.
stress is terrbile and can really hurt your health,
so don’t push people to anything,
it’s not worth it,
for nobody.

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xxx

#24december

I hoped you enjoyed this kind of blogmas
I wish you all a happy christmas<3

overthinking you

it’s scaring myself,
cause I fianlly was over you,
I really was, I mean I could say it, not even lous but just in my thoughts.
I was able to act completely normal when you were around,
although I still knew what a great person you were.
I just was happy to know that there are also things I don’t like about you,
but I had to admit that don’t really make disliking you.
Anyway, it gets me really confused and happy and something I can’t name,
that you do know appear again in my thoughts, my dream, my life.
You probably don’t even noticed it all the time,
or you did and it’s eve weirder now,
I don’t know.
I just do know that for the moment it’s one more sparkle in my life,
and I also know that I am already completely overthinking about that small thing.
that’s just me thinking and thinking and thinking about everything, always and everywhere

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xxx

#23december

you got me

I’ve seen you

Only that one evening

And I don’t know who you are

But whoever you are

You somehow fascinated me in a way,

That I almost would have been taking a completely foolishly risk

To get to know you

I think we all get those moods where in our thoughts we could do anything be someone else and do things we normally would be afraid of,

But it doesn’t matter now anymore,

cause in the end I didnt choose to take the risk,

I didn’t even tried,

Although for one moment

you’ve got me,

Not evensure able to take my eyes off you

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xxx

#22december

a merry little christmas

christmas is been understood so wrong
people just get completely stressed out,
they feel pressured to get presents, to write cards and all of this
and it’s getting worse every year,
and everyone knows that christmas shouldn’t be that way all the time,
so I hope for all of you,
you’re able to find some time this christmas to calm down, relax, spent some time with your family, friends and alone.
enjoy the little things like watching a christmas movie,
decorating your house,
or playing a board game with your beloved ones,
as long as you spent christmas the way you like it,
it’s no one’s duty to make a fancy dinner, buy expensive presents and get a big tree,
it should be whatever you wish for,
so just have yourself
a merry little christmas

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xxx

#21december

level of life

I sometimes miss the sense inmy doing,
I’m not really looking forward the next day, rather a few years,
but I really don’t know how I get that far someday.

and then on the other hand I’m really proud and happy with what I’m doing right now and that I got here overall.

I can’t really decide what to think about how I’m doing in life,
but anyway,
these thoughts are changing in every moment,
and it feels like I’ve already thought in so many different ways about my life,
it’s going to turn out in the end

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xxx

#20december

more than friends

I want to be friends,
I really do,
but I’m not sure if, because there was the chance of us becoming more than that,
I will ever be absolutely okay with that.
It just still feels like I’m connected to you in a way that contains something special,
something more than an usual friendship,
and less cause you’re not a normal friend.
I could not already treat you like there wasn’t anything between us,
I don’t know where that is going anyway,
so I just have to see what comes in the next chapter of our story

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xxx

#19december

half asleep

do you know that feeling, when you want to fall asleep, but you feel the need to complete a task? a task you can’t really complete anyway, cause you’re half dreamin half awake and it feels so stressful and impossible that you get real desperately about something so stupid, which is only happening in your head anyway. I hate that and just thought that is in need to be said.

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xxx

#18december

reminder of my soul

music makes me feel things that are long gone

it’s like reminding me of my best and my worst days

it brings up memories I didn’t even know I still had

it’s reminding my soul who I was one day

What mattered to my heart

And it also brings up the painful mood again, why something didn’t worked out, or on the opposite how strong I used to feel that day.

it brings up a feeling and that makes me able to travel in time

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xxx

#17december

something in between

I’m not home
I’m neither a stranger
I’m a weird something in between
and I have to admit it’s not where I want to be,
cause it feels kind of lonely

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xxx

#16december

deep talk

I like people I can have a deep conversation with,
lik the real serious stuff.
but not about that borig stuff you need a lot of knowledge to be able to talk about.
just things you can keep talking about for ages.
not necesarily in a serious way,
I don’t mind if we end up laughing so hard that we lose the feeling for any reality of the world we’re in.

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xxx

#15december